haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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