hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize