have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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