weddingsv make me drug and hornr
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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