What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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