He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I have fence marks all over my body
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
