someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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