apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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