I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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