My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
