Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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