Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
