No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
