wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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