Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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