My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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