A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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