We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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