Your tits are I can't wait for
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
