My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
