I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
