The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
