A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
