we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
