The maid of honor just puked.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
