Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
high people should be assigned attendants
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
