Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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