Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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