i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
