I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
