Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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