I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Randomize
