too bad you live with your parents still
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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