This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
