so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
