I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
