just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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