I am puke
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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