Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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