It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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