Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
