When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
