You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
