She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
