Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Terrible idea I love it
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
