I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
thus making me awesome and them whores
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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