So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
