We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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