WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
