Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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