when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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