I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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