its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
