Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize