We named our party play list daddy issues
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
His hands were made for my vagina.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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