there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
