For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
