this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
