I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
