i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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