Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
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Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
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Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize