I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
