Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize