Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
